Kassie N (dear-llama) - Writer's Page

I missed the Camp NaNoWriMo round-up post last Friday, because I was too busy being angsty. 👀😅

So here it is! Inclusive of what I wrote today (599 words):

(As you can see, even though I gave myself the freedom to work on 3 different projects at the same time for Camp, I ended up mostly writing for Something Better. 😆)

For this final week of Camp NaNo, I’ve decided to ramp up my daily word goals to 500 words a day, so that I’ll be able to hit 10k words for Something Better by Friday! 🤞 I’m determined. Full speed ahead! 💨

Regarding what made me all angsty on the weekend, I discovered that the money I earn now (after 4 years of work) is still less than the amount of money my peers with similar qualifications earned when they had only been working for six months. (Obviously, they’re now earning double or more of my pay.) Plus, at my job, someone who is younger than me and has the same amount of work experience I do is coming in to be my boss. And I’ll be honest, all of this feels quite demeaning. Like my qualifications mean nothing, my work experience means nothing, and my job is a farce. I have no career to speak of. I only have a job, at which there are no promotions, no salary increments over the past 4 years until recently when I got a single raise. I was happy about the raise, even though my pay was still very little compared to my peers’, but I went out to celebrate. And now I feel like… what’s the point of celebrating? People were already earning more than I was 6 months into their first job after graduating.

I’m still quite bitter when I think about it, but I guess there are things I like about this job that I stay for. But I really do have no career to speak of. I’m the Jack of all trades at my job — I can do various different things, have a variety of skills that make heads and bosses say that I’m a great asset to the company… but these skills will never make me the head. I will never be the boss, only ever the minion. And that makes me angry, because I know I can do more. I can learn quickly. There’s so much more I want to achieve. I want to feel a sense of satisfaction in what I do at work, too.

On Saturday, I took some time for myself and went out for a walk. To wander and to reflect on what I truly want out of life. I didn’t come to a concrete conclusion (though I made a reel 🤣), but I did decide that one thing I need to do is to start picking up more useful skills. Marketing, for one. I’ve already been dabbling with marketing, since I work in social media, but I want to learn proper marketing skills so that, when I leave for another job, I have some marketable skills. I can’t just be brainstorming and creating social media posts forever. The trends change every year and I’m getting older and eventually I will age out of this industry where youth is key. (To be honest, I already feel like I’ve aged out of it. I don’t really like taking videos of myself to make reels and such, but that’s the way to go these days. 😬) Marketing is a skill that is way more sustainable. Besides, I’ll eventually need to market my own books anyway, when I finally get around to publishing them.

I’m also thinking of learning more about forensic psychology… for no reason other than my interest. 😂 I like taking courses, learning new things. I find that when I’m learning something new, I’m more motivated, more focused, and also happier. For that reason, I should return to my language-learning as well, I suppose. I need to stop being lazy.

And, of course, the most important goal is to work on my writing. Writing for Camp NaNo has gotten me into the groove, and Something Better is coming along well for now. Starting completely anew with this draft is definitely working out for me — for the first time in years, I’m not tied down by what I wrote back in 2014. I’m crafting something new and I’m interested and excited to see where it goes. 🙈 I’m currently still in the middle of Chapter 2, and I have no idea how long each chapter is going to be — I’m a complete pantser and just going with the flow and letting the characters write themselves 😎 — but the characters are having fun right now getting to know each other. And I’m having fun getting to know the characters too.

I’ll also be taking some alone time to think more about what I want and how to work towards it. Maybe take some time off work, do some writing, wander the streets and sit in libraries or cafés… I used to do that a lot back when I was freelancing after graduation, and I’ve missed it. Doing it again on Saturday reminded me of that. So that’s also one of the things I want to change about my life now. Maybe I can try to find the time to sit in the library and write some days after work. I’d like to try that. I really do love libraries, and it’s been a while since I’ve really spent time in one. Ironic, because I always try to visit the state library whenever I travel — yet I don’t go to libraries anymore when I’m home. That really needs to change. 🤭

I’m also thinking about the changes I want to make for this website, but that’s a plan for another time. Probably in May.